“I don’t think I can do this.”
“My baby is hungry all of the time!”
“My mom is right; formula might be a better choice.”
How many moms in our culture have you heard say things like this?
Nine years ago I had high hopes of breastfeeding my son. My mother had breastfed, so I assumed I would be able to. But, when I was confronted with a host of difficulties rare to the majority of breastfeeding mothers consisting of tongue and lip tie, IGT, failure to thrive, and quite honestly the most “unsupportive support”, our breastfeeding relationship did not last. In honor of World Breastfeeding Week, where the focus is on Breastfeeding Peer Counseling, we are going to talk about something I feel is particularly vital in our culture. It’s time we recreate the environment our grandmothers flourished in, full of camaraderie and fellowship over a common feeding practice. How can you, as a group of breastfeeding mothers, help each other?
In order to help a mother, it is first beneficial to have a clear idea of what is not considered supportive. Let’s not reinvent the wheel, check out one of my favorite articles in a series written on this over at The Leaky Boob, “Unsupportive Support: Stories of Breastfeeding Doom and Gloom”. It addresses the things many of us have heard and/or said to mothers in an effort to either help or commiserate, and how those things truly are not beneficial to the breastfeeding mother.
What can you say or do to help? The ideas you read here may seem simplistic, but they are an integral part of a mother’s success story.
Meet Her Where She Is
If you have had a baby, chances are you remember what being post-partum feels like. She is likely exhausted, hormonal, and overwhelmed, especially if this is baby number one. Maybe her birth was picture perfect; she feels like a goddess descending from the heavens a newborn suckling at her full breasts? Or, perhaps, she is feeling a bit more like a haggard old woman hit by a bus, in slow motion, with engorged, hot sensitive breasts mauled by a baby tiger? If the latter is the case, as a fellow breastfeeding mother, here is your opportunity to affect change!
Meeting a mother where she is means more than going to her home and offering to hold her baby. Instead, try to hold the mother while she cries. Wash her laundry, fold it, and put it away with a smile. Actively listen with your heart and body language as she pours out her emotions over her tiny bundle. Tell her you have been there, understand, she is not alone, and that you believe in her. Let her know, under no circumstances, will you neither judge nor disdain her in her journey.
Answer Her Questions, Help Her Find Resources
Sometimes mothers need help with breastfeeding. When you feel stumped, know where to locate resources: La Leche League, Breastfeeding Peer Counselors, her hospital’s lactation consultant, and this wonderful website!
Being an exemplary support person begins with heart and ends with knowledge. Educate yourself on breastfeeding and read articles posted on reputable websites. You do not have to know it all, but knowing something will be a tremendous help; knowledge is power friends!
Breastfeeding your baby has the potential to be a life changing event. If we want to recreate the environment our grandparents experienced, to embody the “It takes a village” mindset; let change begin with you. Be the difference in our culture.
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